Went on a field trip. Thoroughly terrified the children.

Took the kids to a fire station today to give them some hands on experience with emergencies. We got put in fake kitchens that experienced earthquakes, vacuous wind tunnels to simulate hurricanes, used real fire extinguishers to put out fake fires, and, the highlight of the day, we got put through an obstacle course where we were either in pitch black or blinded by smoke so as to experience how it feels to be trapped in a burning building. And in case we didn't appreciate the seriousness of the situation, there were fake corpses scattered around the maze. My kids did ok, but a couple of the girls got lost and were screaming in absolute terror until I retraced my steps and found them by an elevator shaft where a beheaded man was sprawled.
A pretty good field trip.

Saw a Korean movie on Sunday afternoon. It's called Haeundae and, apparently, it's the current blockbuster in Korea. And...I don't know...it's special. We were under the impression it was a tsunami flick ala "The Day After Tomorrow" where mother nature gets back at us for our decadent lifestyle by destroying cities and populations. It turned out to be a crazy movie, about crazy people, with approximately 5 minutes of tsunami action. The main thing I took out of it was that if I want to bag myself a Korean, I need to act CRAZY as hell (come on, Mom, that's not really a curse word:) Absurd. Insane. Bat ass crazy. When I bite men's lips and scream about my fake-unborn child in public during dates, this man will fall madly in love with me and die in his rescue of me. When my slutty male boy toy puts my child at risk I will instead to choose to freak out on my separated husband and ignore all his very-educated-tsunami-warnings about getting me and my child to safety. This man, too, will die for me. When I stop up my toilet in a hotel I will refuse to tip the maintenance man forced to unplug it and then expect him to rescue me from a trapped elevator. He's poor and ugly, so he wasn't a main character. But I'm pretty sure he died for me. The sound of a screeching Korean female is unlike any other, and as this movie featured screeching Korean females from childhood, to young women, to elderly it was evident that the sound never really softens. Or becomes less lethal to the ear drums. The son of the main character in the movie is an elementary student of my friend Michele. The first time you see him, his father has tied a string to his tooth and slaps him backward on the floor in a botched attempt to pull the tooth out. The kid (Michele's student) is screaming. The father ignores him in favor of getting up to run outside to check on his gal pal. This father also spends the majority of the movie out of his mind on soju, the deathly Korean rice wine. But at the end of the movie he gets his son, his mom, and his hot gal pal agrees to marry him. So I guess the craziness goes both ways.

Found a place that served awesome western style breakfast. Actually ate french toast with real maple syrup. Good Sunday.

Note for parentals: I am back on skype.

Sunrise Hike Pictures

This is the sign we followed- or I suppose ignored- all the way down.

This is the locked fence to the soccer field. We came out on the opposite side of this fence. When we realized it was locked we maneuvered our way throw a hole in some netting. It was slick.

Sunrise Hike at Gwanaksan Park

Michele and I decided Friday morning that a midnight hike for that night sounded like a wonderful idea. Hiking at night is the only way to hike in weather this hot and unbearable and, probably more appealing, I had never done a hike like this before. We met up with the guy organizing it at midnight and were surprised/dismayed to see that there were 36 people on this hike. I can be social when I want to, but I have to really want to. And that night, with bright flashlights and headgear blinding me whenever somebody turned to talk, I really didn't want to.

After about an hour of hiking as a group, Michele and I split off from the rest and as soon as we were alone, we started to actually enjoy ourselves. Silence reigned. Our eyes adjusted sans the lights. We climbed over rocks. We gossiped. We chatted. We plugged ourselves into ipods and talked about music. We stared at actual stars. Sometimes we wandered away from one another to just sit in silence and stare at the massive, metropolitan, monster stretched out beneath us. I'm pretty sure my body provided Thanksgiving-style meals to entire colonies of mosquitoes. Whenever our position got awkward or painful we wandered on. If either of us said something that reminded Michele of a song she would start singing. I got a little slap happy and started giggling hysterically over a Beauty and the Beast reference. Neither of us had ever even been to Gwanaksan before, so wandering aimlessly between the hours of 1AM and 4AM may not have been an idea supported by much logic but since I am sitting here (on my newly repaired computer! which it didn't cost me a cent to fix!) typing this entry I suppose it all ended well.

The hike was slow going since we chose not to use the flashlight in favor of allowing our eyes the chance to adjust. We came across a few other hikers but since it was so dark and we couldn't even tell if we to greet them in Korean or English, we all stared suspiciously at one another, tense, until one or the other continued on their way. It's strange how unfriendly we become in the night. Eventually we found a perfect rock to perch ourselves on and wait for the sunrise. I guess I shouldn't puff myself up too much for I did spook a couple times. The only wildlife that seems to exist in Seoul are insects and stray cats and though I have a fat, clawing, domesticated cat waiting at home, I am truly scared of these strays. They're just such determined little creatures. Who would not think twice about screaming and clawing your eyes out. Or so I believed last night. And being sleep deprived in the middle of a national park watching them edge too close for comfort I may have shone myself to be less than sensible. In an honestly fear-for-my-life moment, I took the tuna gimbap from my bag- which I was convinced was drawing them so close- and threw it as far as I could into the woods. And just to be sure, I also threw my peanut butter and honey sandwich. I'm very sorry about the littering. It was not done with a light heart. Around 5 the sky started to really lighten and-in what seemed like only a few minutes- all the darkness started to evaporate and suddenly I didn't have to toe and feel my way around because I could make out my surroundings. While I had been convinced that Michele and I had wandered off the trail, a clearly worn path existed beneath our rocks. We weren't nearly as hard core as I felt we were at 3:30 in the morning. That's the thing I love about sunrises. One minute it's dark and perilous and stray cats are as threatening as mountain lions. The next it's light and without adrenaline keeping you hyperalert you realize how safe you actually are. And it happens so quickly you aren't even aware of the change.

We started wandering down at 6. It didn't take too long, but we definitely were on a path that we were not supposed to be on, as proven by the several signs we came across with big red x's pointing down to the trail we eventually ended up on. My second freak out moment of the hike came when I broke through an enormous spider web and started jumping and shrieking, convinced the humongous brown thing on my knee was the live spider. It wasn't. Michele remained cool and calm but I think she was convinced I was not going to get off the mountain without a few broken bones. We came out onto an indoor soccer field from Seoul National University. Thankfully it was early and the only people who stared confusedly at us were the men who were just returning from their Soju driven nights. They couldn't trust anything their senses relayed to them. And at that point in the morning. Neither could we. We were hoping for a big, western style breakfast in the morning but nothing in Korea is open at 7AM. Not even Krispy Kremes or Starbucks. So we went our separate ways, feeling intoxicated with lack of sleep. I left my apartment at 1 to go and buy an assortment of popsicles. Which have sustained me all day. And are delicious.

More Silliness

Fourteen boxes of tissue paper mysteriously appeared in our office last week, two of which have ended up on my desk for reasons unbeknownst to me. And while twiddling my thumbs, computerless, one afternoon I really got a chance to analyze this box. Firstly, it's an advertisement for a rival English school. Secondly, the picture's of a white woman teaching 2 white children with a thought bubble coming from her head saying "every day. funny day." I enjoy the irony of grammatically incorrect English on an English school's ad, whilst reading said box in a competitor school.

Also included 6 out of 10 of The Kids College Commandments. Every day for the past 10 months I've walked past this sign. Sometimes, the best part of my entire day will be how the development of a sound reputation is at number 2 while being a true educational institute is number 5.

That Didn't Last Long.

I have long suspected the month of August hates me.

And since I am on this blog, online, reneging on my previous post's attempt to stay offline is just further proof that August laughed at my attempt to become a more rounded person. Because my computer, and hence my life, fell a perilous 2 feet yesterday off my coffee table and onto my wooden floor, made strange whirring noises, and went black. I stayed up till 5 in the morning attempting to get it turned on. Am going to consult with the office tech-ie to figure out the survival rate of computers that have taken sky dives. Skyping is temporarily unavailable. Emails can only be responded to during the hours I am at work. But hey, my cell phone from home recently got a 2 year extension on it and STILL works out here. So I guess I'm going back to old school forms of communication.

Considering the hell that has been my work this past week, the looming loss of one of my best friends, and this disgustingly hot weather this was the absolute worse time for me to be a klutz.
And my stapler broke.

I blame August.

The Sole of our Seoul's Soul (really lame... I just can't help myself when it comes to homophones)

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1914471,00.html

Cost-UH-Co

Got paid on Monday and on Tuesday night went on an epic Cost-Co run with some of my coworkers. Cost-Co has always created mixed feelings of excitement and a mixture of severe anxiety and panic. On one hand you can buy 6 pounds of pretzels for 12 bucks. On the other, it's a warehouse where you are boxed in by chain link fences while wooden crates of toilet paper reach all the way up to the rafters. And once you infiltrate the area of the store where samples are given people turn positively feral.

I guess everybody got paid on Monday, because Cost-Co was positively terrifying last night. I got separated from my people and when straining on tip toe to reach the last block of sharp cheddar, a woman with babies strapped on both her back and her front side, attempted to steal my cart. Then, when I was going down an aisle where a woman was giving samples of some noodle dish I got a flat tire from a cart that was going full speed to load up on the rapidly disappearing dixie cups. Have you ever had a flat tire from a grocery cart? It hurts. Really, really hurts. After 5 hours filling our cart to maximum capacity, we elbowed our way to get a table in the food court for some 2 dollar hot dogs where we met the western teacher who was responsible for bringing swine flu into the country.

The four of us were heading out, and while in the midst of insisting to my male coworker that I was not as weak as I looked and could indeed carry my own bag, I missed a step and went flying on the sidewallk, crushing the first loaf of wheat bread I have owned in this country while simultaneously removing the layer of skin from my knee cap.

I feel as if I have survived a battle. And now I need to recover.

Silly Simple Somewhat Stupid Southernly Signs

In general, safety standards in Korea seem sub par, but I don't know, maybe thats my hyper sensitized-over regualted- American eye. Buildings can get knocked down and then built back up in the span of a week with no barriers around construction zones, babies on bikes, cars on sidewalks...it goes on and on. But one of my favorite things are the "Don't Fall!" signs that are frequent sights at tourist spots. I'm a klutz. I don't judge the klutziness of others. But when I'm walking on a paved, staired path with a rail I don't usually need a sign to tell me what will happen if I walk off the road, away from the stairs, and jump the rail.

I know all about gravity.




The Top of An Election is a Clean Election.
Whereas some signs explain when you don't need them too, some don't explain nearly as much as they should.

Seogwipo, High Five!

Went to Seogwipo (Soggy Po) on Jeju island for my week off this summer. I didn't leave Korea but I got as far South as I could. Where everything was most un-Seoul like.

For the first 3 days we took the coastal, scenic road around the island. It's not a large island, you can go from the northern most city to the southern most city on a direct road in about an hour, but we circumnavigated the island and took our time. Our vehicle was a sexy white scooter which required a not so sexy red helmet. We stopped at gorgeous turquoise water beaches and took roads that were lined for miles with seaweed drying in the sun, getting ready to be wrapped for your culinary pleasure around California rolls. The seaweed was occasionally joined by laundry lines of squid or blankets of garlic cloves, but mostly it was just seaweed. Another day, another road, a truck full of energy drinks has an accident and for a half mile or so we are intoxicated with fruity, highly caffeinated scents. Cows (both with horns! both male?) mounting each other but stopping to stare at us indignantly for interrupting. There were giant oranges, depressing zoos, and a pretty cool Mongolian themed Medieval Times park. Our navigation was not always at high alert. Went past Jeju-Si, the biggest city on the island, missed the entrance to one of the waterfalls, as well as the biggest temple in Asia (a claim I have some doubts about, but it was a large temple none the less.)

First night the drama unfolds like a high school tween drama. We drink from R2D2 at Cool Hoff before making our way to sing at Korean karoake late into the night. Wandering white boy ears hear the undeniably English voices belting out “Sweet Caroline” and open the door to join us in the famous chorus. For Seogwipo is a small town and there can only be so many English speakers. And they all know each other. A small town is a small town. Even if it is on an island. Ate great Korean food. Duck! Raw Pheasant! Hallabongs! Jaw-sicles! A meal made up entirely of side dishes. Sandwiches. Lots of sandwiches. Mmmm. Deserted houses in orange groves with newspaper clippings dated to when Clinton was first elected. Winking ajummas, bad movie sequels, good people, funny people, maybe one crazy, cute kids, even came across my own beatnik coworkers wandering aimlessly in parking lots and on piers.

Hallasan, the tallest mountain in Korea. On our way up a worker warned of dangerous shoes. I laughed it off, my hiking sandals serve me well in Seoul.

In Seoul the trails are not dotted with treacherous ankle breaking lava rocks.

Took the long trail up. Seongpanak. 3 hours up , 5 hours down. Never been so permeated by wetness in my life. On way up it was your typical mist, on the way down it was torrential downpour. Got to the top, took a picture. Looked at the lake and crater for a minute. Started shivering. And headed back down. Journey dotted with mysterious signs with the nonsensical phrase "The Top of an Election is a Clean Election."

Torrential downpours supplemented by beautiful blue skies, the likes of which are never seen in Seoul. Waterfalls. Many, many waterfalls. Tourist traps? Yes. But beautiful none the less. Waterfalls that have previous been devoid of water trickled a few drops down rust tinted mountain sides. Birds, lesser cuckoos, Roe deer, puppies, giant bugs and snails. My favorite part? Igor Fefflehoff